For the past couple of months, I've been really confused as to what exactly is causing me to feel so unsatisfied and distant to the world around me. I am slowly realizing that there is a much larger reason behind it than I ever anticipated. Metaphorically speaking, I am the monkey in the middle of two opposing sides who are throwing around the ball, in this case a much more abstract object. On one side is my teenager habits, thoughts and tendencies. This side is struggling to hold on to dear life, trying its hardest to demonstrate all the great adventure it has yet to unveil. On the other side, is my adulthood who is barely pulling a lead, showing me, the monkey, that it is the stronger and more experienced competitor. This invisible ball is something that I am trying so hard to grasp, as it will change the course of my life. I have a couple of predictions as to what it might be, could be. But, thinking too much into it won't do me any good. All I know is right now, being in the middle sucks, when you feel like you're stuck there.
If I don't ask you for money, what gives you the right to tell me how to use mine. There's obviously a reason why I CHOSE to work 7 days a week. Do I want to wake up every weekday at 6:30 in the morning to drag myself to work for 8 and a half hours, endure the long commute times and horrific traffic, come home and barely have time for myself because I CHOSE to take a night class as well. Do I want to go not be able to finally sleep in during the weekends and instead go to yet another job that requires me to smile at rude customers and unappreciative co-workers? I CHOSE this way to live so I don't have to ever ask you for money. Would it be better if I was to go out spending your money on food, alcohol and drugs like half of society does? I made a choice to work hard now so I can buy the stuff I want to buy. How do you even find the decency to dictate how to spend MY money that I work so hard for. It is so infuriating to go through this shit every time; there's only so much patience and understanding a person has.
Sometimes, its so easy to forget that I'm only one quarter into the rest of my life. Instead of trying to live my dream life right now, what I should be doing is creating that dream. I should focused on taking advantage of my youth by experiencing everything I need to before I can no longer. I should be working on achieving that final destination I would be happy staying in. I need to adventure into unfamiliar opportunities that come my way. This is how, one day, I can say that I haven't wasted my youth.